Sunday's: The Day I Finally Do Something for Myself

It's been...quite some time. I'm a firm believer that when things go right, they go really right. But when things go wrong, they go very wrong. The past few weeks have been such a mix of highs & lows, it's been insane. And then last night I did it. I made a decision for me. 

You see, here's the gist of the past couple of weeks: set up with a cute guy, and went on a few dates with him & friends. Went out this weekend, and danced for hours. It was fun. Came home last night & made an extremely tough decision, but it's one I made for myself. 

I'm graduating in May, and by August I hope to have moved somewhere else, just for a little while [a few years or so]. But here's the thing, I don't do long distance relationships. They don't work for me. I know this. I need the constant support and love, the constant touch and admiration from someone. Basically, I'm needy. After coming out of a long distance relationship, and not really receiving the greatest end to it, I don't want to put myself through that again. It's selfish, and I'm okay with that. 

Last night, I decided to tell said boy all of this, because things felt like they were kind of getting serious (hello, making plans a few weeks in advance). I don't want to ever have someone feel like I led them on, so it was only fair to tell him what my intentions were after I graduated. He's still got a year left of school (hello, engineering field) and I'm leaving in August. It wouldn't work. Maybe it's me jinxing myself, maybe it's me looking out for myself. I don't want to get heavily involved in something that may not end well in a couple of months when I leave (been there, done that).  Obviously he didn't take it so great, not that I blame him, especially since this could seem like it's coming out of nowhere. Enter in friend who came on dates with us (and her boyfriend): She's completely shocked at my decision, but with good reason. This has been something that I've kept to myself for a little while now. 

I haven't made a big decision (yes, I count this as big) for myself since my parents divorced when I was 10. Everything was about my little sister, or when I got to college, my boyfriend at the time, and friends, and family. I really never did anything for myself. Yes, I'm still struggling with the decision I made, and yes, I still feel like kind of a shitty person for doing it the way I did it. But yes, I am happy for myself. And proud. Oh so proud. 


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