Prep Time: Five More Days

There are only five more days until my best friends birthday party on the river this weekend. So what does this mean, and why am I making a countdown with "Prep Time"? Well, Lauren & I decided that we were going to do two-a-days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week. In case you don't know what that means, it's doubling up on our workouts. So instead of working out for an hour, like normal, we're doing at least two hours. 

If you don't see me ever again, know that it was premature death due to cardiac arrest because my freaking heart is going to give out. I'm not used to working out twice as hard, three days a week, but this week is going to be a trial run. We've also decided to cut crap out of our diets completely for this week - so no snacking on junk food - so we can have the best possible bodies for her party. This is either going to go really well, or really badly. I haven't decided which one it's going to be just yet. 

Our schedule for this week looks like this: 
Monday: High Intensity Interval Training Class, Pop N PiYo Class (hip hop dancing w/ high cardio & strength)
Tuesday: I'll be running 3 miles & maybe 3-2-1 shred (high intensity interval training class, with 3 min strength, 2 min cardio, 1 min abs; alternating for 30 minutes)
Wednesday: Pop N PiYo, & 30-20-10 (30 minutes cardio, 20 minutes strength, 10 minutes abs) 
Thursday: Running 3 miles
Friday: Legs, & Abs (usually we only do one or the we're doubling down)

I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of excited to be sore at the end of the week, knowing that all my hard work paid off (or let's hope so). 

Music of the Moment: Dierks Bentley - I Hold On

"I hold on to the things I believe in, my faith, your love, our freedom, to the things I can count on to keep me going strong"

To say that I'm slightly obsessed with this song would be the largest understatement of the year. This is one of those songs that I can listen to for hours on repeat and not even get sick of it in the slightest. It's a song that kind of reminds me of everything that I'm trying to hold onto during my senior year. I'm trying to hold onto the things that keep me going on a daily basis. 

I've been struggling to concentrate in school lately just because there's so little time left at home, and it's my second semester senior year. I've got a lot of homework, and tests, and assignments, that I just honestly don't care about. When I leave Baton Rouge to go to Disney World, I'm going to remember the things that tie me to my home: my faith, my parents love, and the freedom that they've given me to choose to go wherever I want for a job. While it's not exactly what Dierks Bentely means, I gave it my own meaning. 

The Week Where Everything's Made Up and the Carbs Don't Matter

Today, I want to talk to y'all a little bit about how I keep myself on track. You see, I try and use the app My Fitness Pal as much as I can but sometimes I tend to stray off of it. For example, yesterday I ate Pizza, Jimmy Johns, and a waffle...You're probably like...okay and your point is? My point is I ate like shit, and then had to go to the gym to work it off harder than I normally would have on a Wednesday afternoon. 

Ever since I started working out on a almost everyday basis, I've been more incline to tracking my calories/intake. Not to limit what I'm eating, but to make sure I'm eating the right things and that I'm eating enough. After struggling really badly with an eating disorder for the past 8-9 years (from now on I'll just refer to it as ED or disordered eating), I still struggle to eat enough during the day. It's not that I'm not trying, it's just that I forget to eat. 

Some people will say that because I count calories so closely, it's still a symptom of disordered eating (and it is, but you do what you can). I like to think of it more so as I'm watching what goes into my body. Everything is written down from how much more protein I need during the day, to how many more vitamins I should take because my food isn't giving me enough of what I need. I use My Fitness Pal because you can input your own recipes and exercises. You can tell it exactly what you had, and even scan barcodes. It tells me where my nutrition is, and how I can work on it in the future to get all of the nutrients that I need. 

In all honesty, I would recommend this app to anyone. It's helpful for those who want to see what a normal day of eating looks like written out, or those who want to plan and reach a certain goal. For me, it's helped me see past good foods  and bad foods. How there isn't just a black and white line, there is actually a grey area. I use it because it tells me when I need to eat more, and what kind of foods would be better for me. I use it because I still struggle. No, this is not a sponsored post, I just really love My Fitness Pal. 

My Tattoo Story: Love Always

probably thinking 'fuck this hurts'

"yeah he's yellin' about my tattoos, but we all live with the scars we choose"

There's something that you may or may not know about me. You see, back in early January (think the first week), I finally bit the bullet and got the tattoo that I've been wanting for about 8 years now. Yes, you read that right, 8 years. In my parent's handwriting, I got 'love always' written on my left wrist. Love is written by my dad, and always is written by my mom. 

I've gotten a ton of questions as to why I got a tattoo, why on my wrist, why in white ink, is there a meaning behind it, and so forth, so I'm going to tell you a little bit of the story & just go from there. So here goes nothing: 

Why'd you get a tattoo: Because I wanted one. And I've wanted this specific tattoo for about eight years now. It's personal & I love it. It's a constant reminder and whenever I see it, I always smile. 

Why'd you get a white tattoo on your wrist?: I wanted white ink because it's a tattoo for me. I didn't want it to be super obvious to other people because it's not for them. It's for me. I wanted it on my wrist because I wanted to be able to see it all the time. I forget about it so much that when it does catch my eye, I smile. 

What's the meaning behind it? Now, I realize that not everyone has meanings behind their tattoos, and that's okay, but I don't want to get a tattoo if it doesn't mean something to me. I've struggled with 'disordered eating', as my parents lovingly call it, & self harm since I was in 6th grade. Now, I haven't self-harmed since I was I was in high school, but eating is something that I'm constantly struggling with. When I was growing up, I struggled (and still do) with dyslexia & anxiety, and one of the most important lessons that my parents taught me was that I should always love myself (as well as others). As I got older, I fell into some pretty bad habits and I struggled to get out of them until senior year of high school. My parents were the most supportive people in the entire world, and always wrote the sweetest notes to me. I became obsessed with the saying 'love always' because it reminds me of my parents and the support that they've always given to me. 

Did that make sense? Maybe, maybe not. I'm so thankful for my best friend coming with me when I got it, because as you can see above, I was terrified. It was a spur of the moment decision, but probably one of the best decisions I've made in quite some time (or at least I think so). 

Interested in Military History?

I went to the eye doctor the other day, what's up almost blind life, and I had a ton of homework that I needed to do, so I brought it with me. Today just so happened that I was doing my World War I reading about the Battle of Verdun (one of the worst battles of World War I). While I was waiting, I read. When the eye doctor came in, he asked me what I was reading, so I explained it to him. But what really got me here was his response: "A girl like you interested in military history? It's not too bloody or gory for you?" I'm sorry, but what's that supposed to mean? 

You see, this isn't the first time recently that someone has said something like this to me, and quite honestly I'm taken aback every single time. The other day, I was talking to a guy friend and he made a comment about how "we all know you'll just be sitting in the patio supervising while your dad does all the work." I'm sorry, but is this freaking real life? My immediate response was: Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm dainty. I know about cars, trucks, working on my paw paw's camp, doing work around the house, cooking, cleaning, and a hell of a lot more. The guy was pleasantly surprised by my response, but I was pissed. 

When did it become okay for people to look at someone and say that "you're a girl, we know you're not into boy things." I know there's always been that stigma, but I've never actually experienced it first hand before. I'm one of maybe seven girls in my World War I, and World War II classes. I like military history. I find it super interesting. I'd rather be outside fishing, and helping my dad fix up things around the house, or work on our cars, than go shopping and getting my nails done. But that doesn't mean that I don't like dressing up every other day and putting makeup on & painting my own nails. I refuse to stick to some stigma of what a girl is supposed to be because my parents raised me well, and made damn sure that I was well rounded. 

Music of the Moment: A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

"I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me"

The other day when I was feeling especially down after the fiasco that was my moment of clarity, so I turned on my favorite 'not so happy' Pandora station (A Great Big World - Say Something), and this song came on. 

It was midterms week, so deprived of sleep, at 2am while I was washing dishes & supposed to be studying at my dads house I put down everything I was doing and started doing ballet in the middle of the kitchen to this song. I turned the music up as loud as it would go in my headphones and just let go. I let go of everything that was holding me down, and danced. It reminded me why I loved dancing so much and why I danced for so long. By the end of the song, I was out of breath with tears running down my face. To say it was a much needed release would be understating it. Welcome to second semester, senior year of college. 

"I should've know you'd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do"

Emotional Bag Check

Have you ever had a bad day and just wanted to sit and rant, and then you look for a specific song to find what you're feeling but you just can't quite put your finger on it? Enter in Emotional Bag Check. This website allows you to either Check Your Bag or Carry Someone Else's Bag. It allows you to answer other peoples baggage, or check your own, all anonymously. If you need to rant, go ahead and check your bag. Sit down and write to your hearts content. 

What the site does is match a song with your problem, actually someone completely random answers your problem with a song. They can even write a few words of encouragement for you. I've used this site before, and I've received so many different songs that I hadn't heard before. It's not much, but it's a fun site to just sit down if you're feeling in a giving mood. 

If you've never heard of it before, or heard of it but never been to it, I'd highly suggest at least checking it out. It's kind of like postsecret, but interactive. 

I've Accepted My Offer For....

Welp, it's official y'all! I got accepted into the Disney College Program as an Attractions cast member for the Fall 2014 season! I cannot even explain to you how nervous I was about getting in. I've literally had dreams that I got NLIC'd (no longer in consideration) for the past few weeks. For some reason I had convinced myself that I wasn't going to get in, that I had messed up my interview somehow and that was just the end of the line for me. 

In case you're wondering what the Disney College Program is, you can click here to learn/read more about it! Basically it's an internship with Disney World for college students to go and work & play in Disney World or Disneyland for six months. 

I first heard about the program from a friend who was did the program a few falls ago, and ever since we visited here there, I really, really, really wanted to go and work for Disney. Since I only had tops for four years, and I wasn't about to miss a football season, I had to wait until my last semester of college to apply. This made me so nervous because it means I only had one chance to apply and hopefully get in. 

I chose August 4th as my arrival date, and we work until January 7th! I'll be there for all holidays (and probably be working them), which makes me a little sad because holidays at home are my favorite thing in the whole world. I've already found my roommates though (but more on that later) and it sounds like we're going to have a lot of fun & make things very interesting. We've already got a list of things we all want to do going on, and we seem to get along well. 

I'm so excited about this opportunity, so my blog may become very Disney-centric soon. I'm definitely going to try and keep blogging while I'm there, because who wouldn't want to keep everything in one place! Though I have heard it gets a little exhausting at times. I'm going to do my best, because I really wish I would have done that while in Italy this past summer! 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Although everyone really celebrates on the weekend before, or after, I still think that St. Patrick's Day is fun. When I was younger, we used to run around pinching everyone who didn't have any green on (until we'd get in trouble at school, of course).

I didn't do anything for St. Patrick's Day this year because I had my internship on Saturday (which I go to every Saturday) and didn't fell like skipping because I'd have to make it up at another point in time. So, instead of any fun pictures from different parades held this weekend, you've got two of me and my best friend Kiki. She & I used to do St. Patty's Day together for the past few years, but unfortunately this year I had other responsibilities.

My Emotional Bag Check: Ed Sheeran, Sunburn

I went on Emotional Bag Check the other day (that story for another time), after making my decision with that guy, and this was the song that someone sent me in return. I've always liked Ed Sheeran's music, but I've never really sat and listened to it. This was seriously the perfect song for the way that I was feeling that night, and I thought I would share it with you. 

I've got a thing for lyrics. I tend to collect them. I've got notebooks on notebooks filled to the brim with different lyrics, and I've even thought about getting (and will be actually getting one day) some lyrics as a tattoo. My favorite line in this song has to be "we never even tried; we never even talked; we never even thought in the long run.

Now, I do have to say the songs a tad sad, so if you're in a super happy mood, this may bring you down a little. But if you were in a kind of upset mood like I was the other day, it may be exactly what you need. 

Sunday's: The Day I Finally Do Something for Myself

It's been...quite some time. I'm a firm believer that when things go right, they go really right. But when things go wrong, they go very wrong. The past few weeks have been such a mix of highs & lows, it's been insane. And then last night I did it. I made a decision for me. 

You see, here's the gist of the past couple of weeks: set up with a cute guy, and went on a few dates with him & friends. Went out this weekend, and danced for hours. It was fun. Came home last night & made an extremely tough decision, but it's one I made for myself. 

I'm graduating in May, and by August I hope to have moved somewhere else, just for a little while [a few years or so]. But here's the thing, I don't do long distance relationships. They don't work for me. I know this. I need the constant support and love, the constant touch and admiration from someone. Basically, I'm needy. After coming out of a long distance relationship, and not really receiving the greatest end to it, I don't want to put myself through that again. It's selfish, and I'm okay with that. 

Last night, I decided to tell said boy all of this, because things felt like they were kind of getting serious (hello, making plans a few weeks in advance). I don't want to ever have someone feel like I led them on, so it was only fair to tell him what my intentions were after I graduated. He's still got a year left of school (hello, engineering field) and I'm leaving in August. It wouldn't work. Maybe it's me jinxing myself, maybe it's me looking out for myself. I don't want to get heavily involved in something that may not end well in a couple of months when I leave (been there, done that).  Obviously he didn't take it so great, not that I blame him, especially since this could seem like it's coming out of nowhere. Enter in friend who came on dates with us (and her boyfriend): She's completely shocked at my decision, but with good reason. This has been something that I've kept to myself for a little while now. 

I haven't made a big decision (yes, I count this as big) for myself since my parents divorced when I was 10. Everything was about my little sister, or when I got to college, my boyfriend at the time, and friends, and family. I really never did anything for myself. Yes, I'm still struggling with the decision I made, and yes, I still feel like kind of a shitty person for doing it the way I did it. But yes, I am happy for myself. And proud. Oh so proud. 

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