The Big "C" Word: Cancer

It's been slightly crazy around here lately...well that's an understatement. There's really no easy way to share this, but it's been on my mind for quite some time now, and this is basically like my online journal, so here goes nothing. A week ago, I received a call from my doctors office: Your test results came back abnormal, we need you to come back in for some more testing & a biopsy. It could be absolutely nothing, but it also means you may have cancer.

I'm sorry, what? I had the lady repeat what she just said again. Obviously she could tell I was freaking out, so she went on to try and calm me down by repeating 'it could be absolutely nothing, just a bad day and what not'. I'm sorry lady, but you lost me at 'you could have cancer'. [Side note: you don't tell a 21 year old (or anyone for that matter) they MAY have cancer over the phone...] She went on to explain the different procedures that they were going to try for testing...although I had stopped listening a long time ago. As soon as I got off the phone with my doctor, I called my mom in tears. [Let it be known, I'm one to overreact on just about everything]. My mom then also tried to calm me down by saying, it happens, I've had abnormal test results (although she also had early stages of cancer) and look I'm fine! I'm alive....Thanks mom.

Because of scheduling, I couldn't get an appointment for two weeks after my phone call (one week from today), so the last week has been a lot of different emotions for me. One moment I'll be  really happy to then five seconds later I'm crying when I start to think about 'what if'. At 21 years old, you feel invincible, nothing can stop you. You're young, and you've got so much time ahead of you. If this past week has taught me anything, it's patience and acceptance. Patience because that was one virtue that I was not blessed with, and I know I could definitely use it right about now. Acceptance because this semester has been off to a rocky start for me, but everything happens for a reason.

So, I've got a week left before my actual testing, and then probably a week or so until they get the results back. I'm going to stop stewing in my own thoughts now, because lord knows I do that all too often. While it could be nothing [because as everyone keeps pointing out to me, it happens! abnormal tests come back all the time and it's nothing], it could also be something, which scares me the most. So if you've got a spare minute, say a prayer [or think happy thoughts] for me. 


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