Some Thoughts on Happiness

This is the first time I've really felt beautiful since being broken up with. Not from the same day, but happiness all the same.

As I sit in bed, at 1:15 staring at the blank wall the only thing I can think about is happiness. What is happiness? What makes you happy? What makes me happy? Lately, that's a tough question for me to answer. I don't feel much happiness, but is that really a way to live? So from now on, I'm going to think of at least one thing that made me happy each day. Because sometimes, it's the little things.

Today, just so happened to be because of three girls in my sorority. After crying, explaining all my feelings and thoughts, and crying a little bit more we decided to get food. Afterward eating, none of us wanted to go home and since we all live in the same house, it was difficult to think of something to do. Instead of going somewhere, or going out, or numbing the pain in any sort of way we got in the car and just drove. 

For one hour we listened to Queen, One Direction, Robyn, Frank Ocean, Spice Girls and so many more. We laughed and talked as we just drove through Baton Rouge. At one point we came across the new casino they just built and had the biggest urge to just drive by, just to see it in all of its shining glory. It was so beautiful and shiny. 

After we started driving home, rolled the windows down and just sang at the top of our lungs to the silly songs we were playing on the radio. They treat me like nobody else does. They treat me like a normal person, like they did when I was still dating my ex. They don't walk on eggshells around me, scared if they say one thing I may break, and they don't sugar coat things. They scream and laugh and yell and argue with me, unlike anyone else. 

To be treated like a normal person again, even just for two hours (because of course it took us an entire hour to eat our dinner), felt like the greatest feeling in the world. Being surrounded by people who care, but are easy to talk to because they just listen. They don't try and fix things and they certainly don't continuously say how sorry they are about what happened. They don't dwell on it, even when they can clearly see that I am. 

I haven't laughed, not really at all, since the break up and tonight for the first time in twelve days I laughed so hard I almost started crying. Three girls, who I really just became close to over the end of the summer, have no clue of the impact they have had on me. 

Right now, in this moment, I am not happy. Nor am I okay, nor will I be okay. But for two hours today, I was transported to another place. Another state of mind. One that was okay, if even just for a little bit. Because I know, it's gonna be hard before it can get easier. 

1 comment

  1. I actually clicked through to this post to tell you that you look really pretty!

    I hope you heart has healed since this post, and that you have found happiness in more things every day. It hurts to go through a break up, but just have faith!

    PS: Sorry to be heavy, but I saw the date on this post. It was the day one of my best friends passed from cancer.

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