A Personal Thought

Forewarning: This is about to get extremely personal.

As I sit here and think of the words to say, I suppress the tears that I know are to come. It's been exactly a month since Elliot broke up with me, well yesterday was the technical date, but a month ago today I left Highland house with all my things in hand.

I thought it would get easier. I thought it wouldn't be so hard, that I wouldn't hurt as much. But I still feel so alone. While I don't cry myself to sleep anymore, and I am really good at suppressing the urge to call him and text him I'm still lonely. He was my best friend for such a long time that it kind of sucks sometimes.

It's hard to find the right words to say, or even write sometimes. Because while the majority of the time I've been doing betterish, there are some nights that are just off. As I let the tears come, my hands start to shake and reality hits me in the face. It's hard, heartbreak is hard. To have other people come into your life, is hard.

I really have to give it to four girls in my sorority though. Let's be honest, I've been a hot wreck lately. Not even a mess, just a wreck. These girls have literally been my backbone and the strenghth I've needed to get through this week and month.

Another person I really have to thank is my friend Kiki. She and I have been friends since freshman year of high school but it was only recently that we became super close. She has been there for some of the toughest movements in my life. When I found out my dad had cancer, she was literally right there with me. She dropped everything she had to do, even though we both had crazy amounts of tests the next day and offered to drive me home across town, or go to new orleans to get out of baton rouge for a bit. The second she found out Elliot and I broke up, she offered to bring me food, water, and other things to do. Tonight, I called her crying, hands shaking on the phone, and literally dropped everything to come see me and talk. We both have homework and tests, but the fact that she would do anything for me, even something as simple as just coming sit with me, makes me feel so loved.

What I have to remember is that this blog is mine. It's for me, and my mom (and my family) to keep track of how I'm feeling and how I'm doing. If you don't like it, then that is alright because this isn't for you. This is for me. It's almost like a sort of therapy (and right now, I'm okay with that).


  1. Break ups are so tough but it sounds like you have a great support system - I think you are doing great and i am sure lot's of other girls are loving your raw honesty, I bet you're helping others heal as well by letting them learn from your personal experiences.

    I just wanted you to know that I'm an avid reader of your blog. Recently I was given a Leibster Blog Award...It was my first time winning a blog award and I wanted to pay it forward to some fab blogs I follow daily. I thought of you and hope you'll accept. Congrats :) http://www.fabulousfinds.ca/2012/09/ive-been-nominated-for-liebster-award.html

  2. Aw, thank you so much! You're so sweet! My friends are seriously helping me so much, I couldn't ask for better help! xo, Maria


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