Blogging Mishaps

So while I've been taking a little personal time to myself, my email inboxes have gotten WAY out of hand...but guess what I just did! All three of my email inboxes have been cleared! This means, emails have been read, sent and noted which ones I really need to come back to. 

But really, look how pretty!! I'll give it three days before it's crazy overflowing again. This weekend I've got a hot date with some homework, and a football game on Saturday! I can't wait to get back to posting regularly and looking at everyone's blogs again on Monday! 

What do you have planned for this weekend?

A Personal Thought

Forewarning: This is about to get extremely personal.

As I sit here and think of the words to say, I suppress the tears that I know are to come. It's been exactly a month since Elliot broke up with me, well yesterday was the technical date, but a month ago today I left Highland house with all my things in hand.

I thought it would get easier. I thought it wouldn't be so hard, that I wouldn't hurt as much. But I still feel so alone. While I don't cry myself to sleep anymore, and I am really good at suppressing the urge to call him and text him I'm still lonely. He was my best friend for such a long time that it kind of sucks sometimes.

It's hard to find the right words to say, or even write sometimes. Because while the majority of the time I've been doing betterish, there are some nights that are just off. As I let the tears come, my hands start to shake and reality hits me in the face. It's hard, heartbreak is hard. To have other people come into your life, is hard.

I really have to give it to four girls in my sorority though. Let's be honest, I've been a hot wreck lately. Not even a mess, just a wreck. These girls have literally been my backbone and the strenghth I've needed to get through this week and month.

Another person I really have to thank is my friend Kiki. She and I have been friends since freshman year of high school but it was only recently that we became super close. She has been there for some of the toughest movements in my life. When I found out my dad had cancer, she was literally right there with me. She dropped everything she had to do, even though we both had crazy amounts of tests the next day and offered to drive me home across town, or go to new orleans to get out of baton rouge for a bit. The second she found out Elliot and I broke up, she offered to bring me food, water, and other things to do. Tonight, I called her crying, hands shaking on the phone, and literally dropped everything to come see me and talk. We both have homework and tests, but the fact that she would do anything for me, even something as simple as just coming sit with me, makes me feel so loved.

What I have to remember is that this blog is mine. It's for me, and my mom (and my family) to keep track of how I'm feeling and how I'm doing. If you don't like it, then that is alright because this isn't for you. This is for me. It's almost like a sort of therapy (and right now, I'm okay with that).

Shooting Myself in the Foot

For some reason when I looked at my schedule for this upcoming week, I read it as I have a test on Tuesday, a test on Wednesday and a test on Thursday....In all actuality, I have two tests Tuesday and one test now I'm going to go cram until my brain cannot take it anymore!

I hope your week has gotten off to a better start than mine, but for now I'll leave you with a song that I've been replaying over and over again!

How Do You Treat Yourself?

I don’t know about you, but I’m a firm believer in treating myself. It’s not often that I do it because let’s be honest, I have to save up for studying aboard next summer. But every now and then sometimes you just need a little treat.

It can be as little to a coffee whenever you’re having a bad day, to something a little larger when you accomplished something. For me, during school I would usually only treat myself to coffee from Starbucks or our local coffee joint, Community Coffee. Normally I bring coffee from home, so spending money on coffee is just silly for me (sometimes). 

However when the last semester ended, I finished with a3.6, which is a huge deal! To celebrate I bought myself a Lilly Agenda, stickers for it, akoozie and a sunglass strap. I spent around $50 for everything, which is kind of a lot, but it was completely worth it!

When was the last time that you treated yourself?

A New Sound

Have you heard of Mumford & Sons? If not, you should really go and check them out. I’m kind of in love with them!

I saw them in 2010 when they came to New Orleans and played a smaller show. Since I had been obsessed with them for a while before then I thought that they were amazing. Elliot, on the other hand, just kind of enjoyed the show.

Well when we went to Bonnaroo last year, we were able to see them again. I loved the show, even though I much preferred the New Orleans show. It was just so much more intimate. However it was at Bonnaroo that I was able to hear a few songs off of their new album, which were amazing.

Well, when I heard that they had a new I jumped on the chance to check out what would be on there and what wouldn’t be. Y’all it’s going to be SO good! It comes out on September 24, 2012! Needless to say, I’m kind of excited about it coming out.

This is one of my favorite songs that Mumford has. With the breakup, I've listened to a lot of Mumford and Sons. I have really begun to listen to they lyrics of their songs, and actually appreciate them a lot more. Mumford was able to get me through a really rough time, and their music and songs give me hope.

Do you have a band that you go to during rough times? 

Inside the Dollhouse

Recently I finished a series called Dollhouse. It is a show that aired on Fox from 2009-2010. While it got canceled after only two series, they found out they were being canceled in time to wrap up the show. Joss Whedon was the mastermind behind the television series, and many other great things. I watched this show in a week, that's how good it is. 

The show is about an underground establishment called the Rossum Corporation who have many people who have signed five years of their life to the company. During the five year term, their memory/personality is erased to give the brain enough space to take on the new personality/memories. Wealthy clients hire the dolls out and tell the company who they want, what memories to give them, and what they want to do with the dolls. 

It's a crazy premise but it's written SO well. The story line mainly follows a doll named Echo but later in the series two other dolls become very important as well. It's crazy to see how the story plays out and how many different levels they were able to take the show. 

If you're bored or want to watch a new quick series, you should really check out Dollhouse! Both seasons are on Netflix! 

What shows are you interested in lately? 

Pick Three: Pink & Green

Pick Three: Pink & Green

I love pairing what I like to call really girly colors (the light pint) with really masculine colors (the dark military-ish green). There's something about wearing an outfit that's really harsh but really soft at the same time that makes me incredibly happy.

When I first saw these shorts I fell in love with them! There's something about the cut that just makes my heart flutter a little bit. Now, I'm not usually one to be very outgoing with my wardrobe choices, but I feel like a closed toe heel would look really good with these shorts. I haven't ever worn heels with shorts, partly because I don't have any cute heels I love, but I've always wanted to.

What colors do you like to match up together? 

Fantasy Football

Yes,  you read the title correctly. My coworkers always have a fantasy football league, and after just watching last year they invited me to join theirs with them.

Now I'm a huge fan of football. I grew up watching football games with my dad either on TV or in the stadium every Saturday and Sunday of football season. However, I'm not good with stats and players names and whose the best player to get and all that jazz.

We're playing East vs. West teams, which I'm not quite sure what that means, but I'm actually really excited about it. I'm kind of taking it as a learning experience. I'll attempt to pick the best players or who I think will do well.

We're not playing for money or anything like that, so this is just for the sake of playing. At the end of the season it will be interesting to see how everyone does and where I end up on the list!

The first week, I actually won my face-off! I was so excited to say that I beat one of the boys that I work with who is really into fantasy football!

Have you ever played on a fantasy football team?

Sometimes picking yourself back up after a break up is really hard, but most of the time you've got a lot of people to fall back onto, maybe friends, family and even sorority sisters. However, going through a break up when your friends are the same people is not so easy. Everyone gets to hear both sides to every story, but are they really listening.

I'll admit that I've made a mistake, a huge one even, but one I don't really remember that well. However, I'm a believer in second chances. I don't write someone off because they made one mistake, and I definitely don't hold it against them. While I may be the one to do this, I realize that not everyone is the same way. Some people take a lot more time than others to heal.

I'm not saying that I'm happy, I'm not. I'm not saying that I'm okay, I'm not. But I am getting through, day by day.

I've started to keep a journal. One that has a list of everything that makes me happy. When dating someone for so long, I lost myself. I lost who I really was because the only thing that mattered to me was that the boy I loved was happy. When he was, you couldn't keep the smile off of my face. But when he wasn't, it broke my heart more than you know.

Slowly but surely I've found things that I love. I loved the TV series Dollhouse and the bands/artists Frank Ocean, Mumford and Sons, & Local Natives. I love Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte's and staying up late. I love goofing off with my roommate and three of the girls I've become super close with super quickly.

So for now, I'm just trying to discover who I really am and what I love. If you want to stay with me on this journey, I would love that. But if not, I completely understand. 

Some Thoughts on Happiness

This is the first time I've really felt beautiful since being broken up with. Not from the same day, but happiness all the same.

As I sit in bed, at 1:15 staring at the blank wall the only thing I can think about is happiness. What is happiness? What makes you happy? What makes me happy? Lately, that's a tough question for me to answer. I don't feel much happiness, but is that really a way to live? So from now on, I'm going to think of at least one thing that made me happy each day. Because sometimes, it's the little things.

Today, just so happened to be because of three girls in my sorority. After crying, explaining all my feelings and thoughts, and crying a little bit more we decided to get food. Afterward eating, none of us wanted to go home and since we all live in the same house, it was difficult to think of something to do. Instead of going somewhere, or going out, or numbing the pain in any sort of way we got in the car and just drove. 

For one hour we listened to Queen, One Direction, Robyn, Frank Ocean, Spice Girls and so many more. We laughed and talked as we just drove through Baton Rouge. At one point we came across the new casino they just built and had the biggest urge to just drive by, just to see it in all of its shining glory. It was so beautiful and shiny. 

After we started driving home, rolled the windows down and just sang at the top of our lungs to the silly songs we were playing on the radio. They treat me like nobody else does. They treat me like a normal person, like they did when I was still dating my ex. They don't walk on eggshells around me, scared if they say one thing I may break, and they don't sugar coat things. They scream and laugh and yell and argue with me, unlike anyone else. 

To be treated like a normal person again, even just for two hours (because of course it took us an entire hour to eat our dinner), felt like the greatest feeling in the world. Being surrounded by people who care, but are easy to talk to because they just listen. They don't try and fix things and they certainly don't continuously say how sorry they are about what happened. They don't dwell on it, even when they can clearly see that I am. 

I haven't laughed, not really at all, since the break up and tonight for the first time in twelve days I laughed so hard I almost started crying. Three girls, who I really just became close to over the end of the summer, have no clue of the impact they have had on me. 

Right now, in this moment, I am not happy. Nor am I okay, nor will I be okay. But for two hours today, I was transported to another place. Another state of mind. One that was okay, if even just for a little bit. Because I know, it's gonna be hard before it can get easier. 

Hurricane Isaac

Unfortunately for me, I live in southern Louisiana, but my family lives even further south. Why is this unfortunate you ask? Because of all the hurricanes. I love living in Louisiana and wouldn't change it for the world. I'll probably leave for a small time period but I'll always return. It's my home and the place where I feel most comfortable.

Now, back to the hurricanes. Now when Isaac was coming I was like...what this little thing? I was born a really short amount of time before Hurricane Andrew, survived through Hurricane Katrina and Rita when they hit back to back and the last one we got that did lots of damage was Hurricane Gustav. I'm no stranger to Hurricanes and how they can impact our surroundings. But I saw Isaac coming and didn't even blink an eye.

My dad immediately texted me telling me to go get supplies and what did I do? Took a nap only to have the sorority house close not too long after I woke up. I headed to my friends house and hung out there for a little bit. My dad quickly called me home, kind of frustrated that I only had 1/8 of a tank of gas left.

Once Isaac hit, there was no gong anywhere. We lost power almost immediately and didn't get it back for four days. Isaac wasn't a very powerful storm when it came to where I live, but where my family lives is a different story.

Some of my extended family lives in LaPlace, which is where Isaac hit the hardest. We got in touch with everyone, and quickly found out that no major damage was done and that everyone was okay. Such a scary moment in life, considering the fact we went through Katrina not too long ago. While much of LaPlace was under water, my family's home survived. No flooding or any damage that they could see at the time.

I love Louisiana and wouldn't change it for the world. But hurricanes will always make me nervous.

Have you ever been through a hurricane or another awful natural disaster? 

Slowly but Surely

To say that the past week or so has been a difficult time for me would be a huge understatement. Moving into the sorority house from my parents house, going through recruitment, school starting and then Hurricane Isaac hit. Along with Isaac came a broken heart. Elliot, my boyfriend of the past two years and a few months, broke up with me. So please just bear with me as I try and pick myself up off the floor and get back into somewhat normal of a routine. 

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